Frequently, I find myself in conversations in which most involved seem to be competing to be heard, to be listened to. We attempt to tell the funniest story, to get in the last word on a discussion, to speak and not to listen. When I notice this in myself, it can usually be traced to a lack of contentment or comfort with my surroundings. Because I feel unsure, I must assert myself, make myself heard, as a means of soothing uneasiness. I regularly notice this with high schoolers. They change their personalities in different groups (kind, thoughtful, intelligent young men become blabbering idiots in the presence of a few girls). Adults aren't normally so obvious, but I often observe this tendency most in those that I am closest to (family especially), and should most often observe this in myself.
My mom gave me a little pamphlet of devotional thoughts from Hudson Taylor, and the one I just read convicted me on this topic. He says:
Oh, to be always in a humble, devout, and consecrated spirit, drawing richly from the fountain of infinite grace, being filled with the fullness of "Him that filleth all in all," continually realizing that Christ is made unto us "wisdom and righteousness and sanctification and redemption," and that we are complete in Him.
Essentially, if I desire to be humble, devout, and consecrated, I must draw from the fountain of INFINITE grace; therefore receiving Him that fills ALL; realizing the wisdom, righteousness, sanctification, and redemption that He gives. All this results in completeness in Him.
When in my interactions with others I am self-seeking, needing to present my own ideas and opinions, assuring that I am right and that everyone knows I'm right, and effectively preventing myself from ever learning from others, I am not drawing from the fountain of infinite grace; I am rejecting Him that fills all; I am refusing wisdom, righteousness, sanctification, and redemption. Effectively, I am incomplete without Him.
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