I'm not sure what this post will end up being about. I think it will be about getting big.
For Thanksgiving, Jen and I ventured down to our grandparents' home at America's Keswick. Mom and Dad met us there, and we had a nice 4 days or so of low-key family time, as well as the chance to catch up with some friends from Keswick and the surrounding area.
Several times over those four days I was greeted by an assortment of people with an exclamation somewhere along the lines of, "Amy! You've gotten so BIG!" Now, lest you think my size has greatly increased since you last saw me (whenever that was), let me assure you that I'm relatively the same size I've been for the past four or so years. No significant or even noticeable change. Therefore, I can only surmise that these people were commenting on the fact that I've grown up in maturity, that I'm no longer a child or even a teenager/student, but that I now wear grown up clothes (begrudgingly and only some of the time) and converse in the manner expected of someone of my age. However, I do not believe that "big" should be allowed to be used as an adjective akin to grown up. It's just a little disconcerting and makes the recipient slightly self-conscious.
I did notice the changes in myself this holiday. I realized that, although I've spent significant time at Keswick and love the place, it's not like it once was (disclaimer: I'm talking about the conference center and people there, not about my family, with whom I feel completely known, comfortable, etc.). There are less people I'm excited to see, and it gets increasingly difficult to reconnect with those who have stayed there. It doesn't feel like the Amy that they knew from leading silly songs in Children's Ministry is me. Not really. And part of me thinks that beginning to explain who I am now will just alienate me from the place even more.
What scares me is the thought that this will eventually happen with all of the favorite places of my past. It has begun to happen in North Muskegon. What's next? Taylor? Grace Adventures? Is this merely the process of growing up? As I separate from old places, do new ones take their spots?
The transient nature of life is difficult for an afraid-of-change girl like myself.
2 comments:
Amy, you've gotten so big! As in, you're a big-shot teacher in the big-city. That's what they mean. Just don't forget your roots, where you come from.
Amy, we live only a half hour from Keswick, over in Mt. Holly. Would've loved to catch up with you! Bonnie :)
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