You've gotten so big...

I'm not sure what this post will end up being about. I think it will be about getting big.

For Thanksgiving, Jen and I ventured down to our grandparents' home at America's Keswick. Mom and Dad met us there, and we had a nice 4 days or so of low-key family time, as well as the chance to catch up with some friends from Keswick and the surrounding area.

Several times over those four days I was greeted by an assortment of people with an exclamation somewhere along the lines of, "Amy! You've gotten so BIG!" Now, lest you think my size has greatly increased since you last saw me (whenever that was), let me assure you that I'm relatively the same size I've been for the past four or so years. No significant or even noticeable change. Therefore, I can only surmise that these people were commenting on the fact that I've grown up in maturity, that I'm no longer a child or even a teenager/student, but that I now wear grown up clothes (begrudgingly and only some of the time) and converse in the manner expected of someone of my age. However, I do not believe that "big" should be allowed to be used as an adjective akin to grown up. It's just a little disconcerting and makes the recipient slightly self-conscious.

I did notice the changes in myself this holiday. I realized that, although I've spent significant time at Keswick and love the place, it's not like it once was (disclaimer: I'm talking about the conference center and people there, not about my family, with whom I feel completely known, comfortable, etc.). There are less people I'm excited to see, and it gets increasingly difficult to reconnect with those who have stayed there. It doesn't feel like the Amy that they knew from leading silly songs in Children's Ministry is me. Not really. And part of me thinks that beginning to explain who I am now will just alienate me from the place even more.

What scares me is the thought that this will eventually happen with all of the favorite places of my past. It has begun to happen in North Muskegon. What's next? Taylor? Grace Adventures? Is this merely the process of growing up? As I separate from old places, do new ones take their spots?

The transient nature of life is difficult for an afraid-of-change girl like myself.

High School Drama

Tonight my roommates and I headed to BTA to watch some of my students perform in "Steel Magnolias". It was an interesting choice of drama for these girls, but it was enjoyable. One thing is certain, it is a stretch for inner-city kids from Boston to try to sound/act like middle-aged southern women.

I'm battling the flu right now, which made for a pretty miserable time last night and a lot of sleeping today. Thankfully Monday's the only day of classes next week, so I only have one lesson to prepare.

Recently I've been thinking a lot about this place and these girls...

When I pour my heart into something it's really hard to leave it behind.

Is it really time to move on?

And by the way...

This is completely addictive.

And sometimes I feel joy and I don't know why

Driving away from school today I felt a calm joy, and it wasn't because I was leaving in the afternoon instead of the during-soccer-season mid-evening. It was because of my students, I think, even though I can't really put a finger on a specific reason why.

Let me try to think of a few...

Today after school one of my students came to me because he didn't have the vocabulary assignment he will be quizzed over tomorrow. I told him to ask a classmate to borrow it, to which he responded something to the effect that none of his classmates would be willing to help. I quickly stepped out into the hall, caught the attention of a 10th grader or two, asked if anyone had a grammar book I could borrow, and was answered with three, possibly four being thrust into my face in a matter of seconds. They're so eager! They're so loving.

I gave a history test today. I haven't finished grading the short answer part, but the girls did substantially better on the multiple choice than they did on the last one. Writing high grades on tests brings me much more joy than writing low ones (writing low ones brings me no joy at all, actually).

In English class I had the girls doing a writing activity. The finished product was an 8 line poem that they then read to their peers and examined denotation and connotation. It was a huge success!

One of my ninth grade boys, with which I have been struggling to connect, stopped me in the hallway to ask me how my weekend was and we had a fairly grown-up conversation. Moments like those redeem the times I feel that I am speaking to a brick wall.

So perhaps I do know why I felt joyful today.

Listening to another Mosaic sermon this morning I was struck by a point Irwin McMannus made. He said he's often hear people say that God has put them in places where they are unskilled so that He can have all the glory. Irwin disagreed strongly with this idea, saying that God gave us talent so that He can use it, not so that He can capitalize on the areas in which we have no gifts. I'll agree with Irwin and say that I am so thankful that God has given me talent in teaching and in relating to high schoolers so that I am able to do what I do.

Back to work (for a week)

NYC was great! We walked for basically two days straight and saw many famous sites. We ate/sipped warm drinks at cute cafes, watched movies (When Harry Met Sally = NYC factor = must, Rushmore = excruciating comedy factor = I think it's funny but the fact that I teach 10th grade makes it a little less funny), made cookie pizza/pad thai, and visited Redeemer Presbyterian in the Upper East Side (Tim Keller is a very gifted preacher). I'll post pictures when I get them from Val.

The second most important development of the weekend is the fact that I purchased a mattress today. That's right folks, I now own a real mattress. While I don't have the money for the rest of the bed yet, having a mattress that I like is definitely a step in the right direction.

I have 5 days of classes before Thanksgiving break. The days off this month and the extended break looming in the not-too-distant future are welcome considering the rather busy last few weeks.

The MLS and Gillette Stadium

I watched this tonight. This morning before school one of my soccer players came up to me and asked me if I wanted to go to the Revs (New England Revolution) game tonight. I said sure, I was up for it. Aside from the freezing cold, it was definitely a good soccer game. Plus, I got to watch it with two of my soccer players, which made it even more fun.


Twellman's goal was VERY nice. I told my center forward (who was at the game) that I expect her to do that next season.

Tomorrow, Jen and I head to NYC to hang out with Valerie Strattan for the weekend. I'm excited to hang out in the city and to catch up with the always-fun-to-be-with Val. It's a little Muskegon reunion east coast style.


Photo: http://www.revolutionsoccer.net/mediacenter/index.cfm?ac=GalleryDetail&f=22797

Jeremiah and My Generation

Reading in Jeremiah 1 and 2, I am saddened to be reminded of the parallels between the Israelites/the people of Judah and their pursuit of other gods, and my generation and our almost animal-like, frenzied search for pleasure, happiness, and anything that feels good. You see, I am at the very oldest end of the generation that includes all of the students from elementary school through college. 1985 is, if you can divide generations numerically, the border year.

Jer. 2:33 says, "How skilled you are at pursuing love! Even the worst of women can learn from your ways." I watch as daily my students chase unthinkingly after any love, any pleasure they can find, at the expense of friendships, school, family relationships, health, and so on.

It is as if this generation has lost its center. As though the elements of an individual's life are in orbit, but there is not one central body around which everything orbits. Everything is dependent on something else, yet everything is not dependent on/anchored to a constant. So, when life gets out of control, when what temporary and unreliable balance that was there is lost, the individual adds something else, something new or something tried before and discarded, to counterbalance instead of reordering the items so they are centered and cannot spin out of control.

Jer. 2:13-14 - "My people have committed two sins: They have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water."

We are abandoning God as the center for a solution that doesn't work!

Grading and the End of the Quarter

We are 1/4 of the way through the 2007-2008 school year. I'm told that once you make it through the first semester, life gets a lot easier. I think probably once you make it through coaching soccer during the first quarter of your first year of teaching, life gets easier. Right now I'm exhausted and very behind on my grading, but I'm still loving teaching and still very glad I'm here. I was especially glad today as I watched our boys soccer team win the league championship today. They are the first BTA team to win the league. The first of many, hopefully. I'm so proud of them!